Prometheus, and the security of fear.

I can distinctly remember four times in my life where I felt fear. Not like on a roller coaster, or watching an intense movie, but a long period of time where I was genuinely afraid. Each time, the fear would overpower me, but eventually abate. And it wasn't until my last encounter with it, that I finally figured it out. I finally  learned what fear is, and why I struggle so much with it.

According to Classical Mythology, Prometheus was the Titan who stole fire from the gods and gave it to man. But for his punishment, he was chained to a rock and an eagle gnawed on his liver, until being rescued. For me, fear is like the punishment of Prometheus. It chains me down, and gnaws at me. When I'm living in a state of fear, I can't function. Everything is overbearing, and I can't think clearly. It overtakes everything. But in thinking about it, I found that I almost liked being scared. There's a sense of belonging and understanding in fear. It becomes your friend, but not really. More like a convenient acquaintance you can blame everything on. It makes it easy to live in hiding, to throw away your life and to give up. It blinds you, and you get so used to it that you lose the ability to see positivity, light, or happiness. And then, you come to fear the absence of fear. It talks you into believing that living without it would be worse than where you are now. It asks how you could live with taking responsibility for your own emotions and life. Fear is there to take all of that responsibility, or so he will tell you. It's a terminal disease. I've been there, felt it, lived it, walked it, breathed it. It was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned, but I came out of it stronger.

Throughout this all, I learned that it does feels secure and easy to live in fear, but it's easier to live in faith. When you finally escape the dungeons of fear, you feel the light of happiness and remember what you've been living without. Then you are able to feel courage. "Courage is not the mere absence of fear, it is the knowledge that you don't need to be afraid". Once you can totally rid yourself of fear, you get to that point.  You feel empowered, and know that you can live your life by your own thoughts and actions, and you don't need fear to blame things on. Fear doesn't make sense anymore. You find the light that fear was blinding you from, and it's the most refreshing, powerful, freeing feeling in the world.

It takes a journey to get there. For me it was a long one that covered the space of many years and took me through some very difficult situations. But I wouldn't trade them for anything, because they've made me who I am today, and brought me where I am, and I love that place.