Wake Up and Smell the Smog

A nuclear winter sounds like a horrifying event, one which no one would like to live through. The major problem in this disaster would be the excess pollution blocking out the sun, halting the progress of life as we know it, or more accurately, of life. Plants would stop production of chlorophyll, would stop needing carbon dioxide, and would stop producing oxygen. Although the atmosphere is 8% oxygen, we would slowly suffocate ourselves, simply by breathing, which would only occur if we don’t die from the cataclysmic event, or the poisoning from the toxic air first. The ominous fact is we have begun down this path towards poisoning and suffocation, a surefire way to commit a worldwide genocide.

You might say that this can never happen. The cold war has ended, we have stopped stockpiling our nuclear weapons, we are on positive terms with all other nations with atomic bombs, or at least not pursuing aggression of any form against them. So what will cause this nuclear winter? The world has functioned superbly for thousands, if not millions of year, so the answer is obviously us, and more specifically our actions, which have predicated our downfall due to our use and usage of unclean fuels such as coal and gas.

We can trace this partnership between coal and ourselves back to the industrial revolution in Great Britain, when coal was first used to power plants to create desired products out of raw goods, and progress human civilization positively. This was our first major poisoning of ourselves, and it was followed by many later doses of toxins throughout the world. Like a drug user we recieved momentary surges forward from this, but were always left wanting more. Now the earth is truly becoming poisoned, and we are suffocating with enormous amounts of smoke and industrial haze being poured into the air.

Admittedly, Americans are the worst culprits, producing around 20 tons of carbon emissions per person, compared with the average 18 tons produced by Saudi Arabians and Canadians who are the next largest producers. The Chinese who we view as having extremely polluted cities only produce a surprising 2 tons per person, 2 tons less than the world wide average. What these statistics show is that we Americans are the worst producer of carbon emissions, but being at the top (in a negative way) means that improving should be easier for us.

Of our 20 tons of carbon emissions produced annually, about 82% is produced from fossil fuel combustion. We NEED to work together as a community, a United States community to reduce this number. Turning off all the lights not being used in the house, using public transportation as often as possible in all cities that are visited, and driving a car that has a low impact in the environment are all positive ways to start. Use air-dryers in public restrooms verses using paper towels, which have to later be driven to a dump or a recycling plant, and walk whenever possible. Education about carbon footprints is the key to this process. So now that you have learned, how will you reduce your contribution to nuclear winter?

An Invitation Within

Very recently, I was in an atmosphere where I was able to take a look at my life through a brand new perspective. I've found that often when I take a moment to check where I'm at and where I can improve, it becomes a list of failures, expectations I didn't meet, ways I let myself down, etc. Because of this, it becomes a task that I don't want to do but think I should. And after taking this personal inventory, it often leaves me feeling overwhelmed, imperfect, or hopeless. This time was different though. It was completely opposite. I didn't initiate it, and I'm not really sure why or how it happened, but it was incredibly powerful. It left me feeling like I've never quite felt before, and I will try and explain it here. Although words cannot quite express it fully, this is the closest I can come to describing what it felt like and what I learned.

Clarity, depth and new growth also. But mostly this amazing feeling of being stripped down to the very essence of being. I felt like I could see my true self standing in pure light.  No fake identities, nothing hidden, nothing more, nothing less, no false pretenses. No wax. Sincere. Raw. No emotions other than joy. The joy that C.S. Lewis talks about, the longing evoked with intense beauty. Like a sunset, or a moving piece of music. An exquisite glimpse of something that you can't have, but the desire of it is almost as sweet as having it would be. Something that you can't really describe, but you know the feeling of. The strange part is that I didn't cringe at what I saw. Before, when I have viewed myself and my soul critically, I feel naked and flawed. Excessively imperfect and like I don't have the potential to become anything great. But this time I saw a view of myself that I've tried to see many times, but have never quite caught. A view of myself with infinite potential, along with an invitation grow and become stronger. To take light and build on it. To take that very raw potential and run with it. To take the beauty there, and make it even more beautiful. It doesn't have flaws, it's just pure soul. It's perfect, right where it needs to be, doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing. What I saw before I let expectations, mistakes, guilt, fear, pride, and opinions cloud and distort that view.  I think we rarely see this view of ourselves. We look in the wrong places, or choose not look at all because we fear what we'll see. I realize now that I've been trying to grow a relationship with myself by trying to become "perfect". Making a list of what I needed to do before I could love myself, instead of loving who I already am. But when I moved beyond and allow my eyes to be opened, I got a glimpse into eternity, and into the depths of myself. And from that roots all beauty, greatness, purity, and our perfection.

When you can see and embrace this view of who you are, and choose to rise above the people, media, music, even yourself, and anything else that says you don't have that potential, you free your soul. You can break loose from the ties that have bound you to the earth, take flight, and soar above the world like you've always wanted to do, breaking these bonds of dependency on opinions and affirmations of others. And then you can see the world from above, glide among the clouds, and sail through the sky with the wind at your back.

The Paradox of Sacrifice

"There is a curious paradox that no one can explain. Who understands the secret of the reaping of the grain? Who understands why spring is born from winter's laboring pain or why we all must die a bit before we grow again?" - El Gallo, The Fantasticks

Why is it that we all must die a bit before we grow again? The times that we are crushed down the most, are the times that we can grow the strongest from, if we choose to get back up. This concept has been realized by people in all times. Greek mythology showed it through the figure of a Phoenix, the bird who is reborn through fire and ashes. Many East Indian religions show it on the large scale belief of reincarnation, or rebirth. We also know that in order for muscles to grow, they must first be torn down. But although we "know" what this concept means,  I don't think we fully understand it. It is a paradox. To seek something (i.e. life or growth) from its antagonist (some degree of death).

This whole idea of sacrifice and growth has fascinated me for some time. Last year, I had a mentor who told me that she didn't believe in the idea of sacrifice. Her philosophy was that if you're gaining something greater, there is no "sacrifice". For a while that confused me a lot. I looked up to her as a guide and believed much of what she taught me, but this didn't make sense. What if sacrifice didn't exist? We grow up hearing about it, often desiring and dreading it. It's like this awe-inspiring, yet almost awful idea. People giving up so much, for something they view as more important. And then we hear of the people who didn't choose to sacrifice, but were forced to. The concentration camps and holocaust of WWII, the genocide of Rwanda, the wars, the famines, the diseases. It fills us with awe to imagine what it must have been like, or may pale in comparison to what we've gone through. But there's another aspect of these sacrifices that is not commonly discussed.

We hear these stories, but what others experience is their own. They often tell about it, but we can't fully comprehend what it was like. It was their own sacrifice. I didn't live through the Rwandan Holocaust, but every time I read Imaculee Illibagiza's story of it, I grow a little bit. When I read Viktor Frankl's account of Theresienstadt, I can only try to imagine the pain and anguish he felt, but I learn from it. I don't experience the exact pain or circumstances of anyone else, but somehow I get a glimpse of what they are retelling, and it affects me. These experiences stretch, tear, mold, crush, and ultimately, refine. And in the end, your own sacrifice not only changes you, it changes others as well.

I eventually came to the decision that sacrifice does exist. While we are gaining something greater, there is still that moment where we are torn and crushed, and that's the point. While the sacrifice hurts, it gives us the capacity to receive more. Without sacrifice, we would remain dormant, never growing, stretching, or living. Sacrifice enables you to refine and view yourself more clearly. And during this process, you're able to find your true self. 

Every day, we evolve, our perspective shifts, we learn, and we grow. To what purpose? Nobody really knows. We each have our own life, our own thoughts, habits, paradigms, and we can never know what it's like to be anyone else. But we find ways to express what each of us discovers. The beauty we see, the heartache we feel, the thoughts we think, the sounds we hear. Everyone does it differently, often through music, art, writing, teaching, dancing, the list goes on. However it is, we interpret the world around us and communicate that to the planet. Sometimes it's hard to see, but everyone does it. Knowingly or not, we create a web.

In the frenzy of life and the often selfish view of ourselves we hold, sacrifice gives us a greater purpose to live for. It instills in us a deeper meaning of what love really is, a clearer perspective of why we're here, and a resolve to add a little more meaning into our lives. At the time, it may be the hardest decision you will ever make, or the greatest hurt you will ever feel. But the end result gives you the peace and the determination to keep moving forward, one step at a time. And some day, you'll look back and see that the refiners fire you've gone through, was the greatest thing that could ever have happened. We'll be the greatest version of ourselves, and to find that place is the greatest reward you could ask for. After all, isn't that why we're here in the first place?