The Paradox of Sacrifice

"There is a curious paradox that no one can explain. Who understands the secret of the reaping of the grain? Who understands why spring is born from winter's laboring pain or why we all must die a bit before we grow again?" - El Gallo, The Fantasticks

Why is it that we all must die a bit before we grow again? The times that we are crushed down the most, are the times that we can grow the strongest from, if we choose to get back up. This concept has been realized by people in all times. Greek mythology showed it through the figure of a Phoenix, the bird who is reborn through fire and ashes. Many East Indian religions show it on the large scale belief of reincarnation, or rebirth. We also know that in order for muscles to grow, they must first be torn down. But although we "know" what this concept means,  I don't think we fully understand it. It is a paradox. To seek something (i.e. life or growth) from its antagonist (some degree of death).

This whole idea of sacrifice and growth has fascinated me for some time. Last year, I had a mentor who told me that she didn't believe in the idea of sacrifice. Her philosophy was that if you're gaining something greater, there is no "sacrifice". For a while that confused me a lot. I looked up to her as a guide and believed much of what she taught me, but this didn't make sense. What if sacrifice didn't exist? We grow up hearing about it, often desiring and dreading it. It's like this awe-inspiring, yet almost awful idea. People giving up so much, for something they view as more important. And then we hear of the people who didn't choose to sacrifice, but were forced to. The concentration camps and holocaust of WWII, the genocide of Rwanda, the wars, the famines, the diseases. It fills us with awe to imagine what it must have been like, or may pale in comparison to what we've gone through. But there's another aspect of these sacrifices that is not commonly discussed.

We hear these stories, but what others experience is their own. They often tell about it, but we can't fully comprehend what it was like. It was their own sacrifice. I didn't live through the Rwandan Holocaust, but every time I read Imaculee Illibagiza's story of it, I grow a little bit. When I read Viktor Frankl's account of Theresienstadt, I can only try to imagine the pain and anguish he felt, but I learn from it. I don't experience the exact pain or circumstances of anyone else, but somehow I get a glimpse of what they are retelling, and it affects me. These experiences stretch, tear, mold, crush, and ultimately, refine. And in the end, your own sacrifice not only changes you, it changes others as well.

I eventually came to the decision that sacrifice does exist. While we are gaining something greater, there is still that moment where we are torn and crushed, and that's the point. While the sacrifice hurts, it gives us the capacity to receive more. Without sacrifice, we would remain dormant, never growing, stretching, or living. Sacrifice enables you to refine and view yourself more clearly. And during this process, you're able to find your true self. 

Every day, we evolve, our perspective shifts, we learn, and we grow. To what purpose? Nobody really knows. We each have our own life, our own thoughts, habits, paradigms, and we can never know what it's like to be anyone else. But we find ways to express what each of us discovers. The beauty we see, the heartache we feel, the thoughts we think, the sounds we hear. Everyone does it differently, often through music, art, writing, teaching, dancing, the list goes on. However it is, we interpret the world around us and communicate that to the planet. Sometimes it's hard to see, but everyone does it. Knowingly or not, we create a web.

In the frenzy of life and the often selfish view of ourselves we hold, sacrifice gives us a greater purpose to live for. It instills in us a deeper meaning of what love really is, a clearer perspective of why we're here, and a resolve to add a little more meaning into our lives. At the time, it may be the hardest decision you will ever make, or the greatest hurt you will ever feel. But the end result gives you the peace and the determination to keep moving forward, one step at a time. And some day, you'll look back and see that the refiners fire you've gone through, was the greatest thing that could ever have happened. We'll be the greatest version of ourselves, and to find that place is the greatest reward you could ask for. After all, isn't that why we're here in the first place?